Fake Association Organization
Nothing doesn’t get done without us
In the beginning there was nothing,
and we took that to heart.
But don’t take our word for it…
“If you gaze long into the abyss, it’s not the abyss that gazes into you, it’s the Fake Association Organization. They’re really good at that… so good…”
Harry Emptiman, HR Pro
“All my life I thought I had nothing to give. It turns out, I was right, and that’s exactly what FAO wanted. I was so happy to give it to them!”
Ima Schell, Volunteer
“When the walk is longer than your legs are ready for and your hollow belly echoes your surroundings, FAO is there, always, always there.”
Sue Vide, IT Tech
“Sometimes, it really is best to listen to the little voices in your head, even if they aren’t little, or in your head. Thanks FAO!”
Bitte Maider, Ex-executive
“If all is all you have to give, then all is all we’ll take. That’s not just a promise, it’s the only way we do business.”
Elon Mollusk, X Executive
Be apart, far apart
It’s the safest way
What we give is so much more than what we offer
- Top of the line amenities, commodities, and mentoring
- Mid-management packages, in perpetuity
- Bargain-basement opt-in opportunities with opt-out options (for those who qualify optimally)
- 24-hour memberships – with clauses! (Non re-, pre-, mid-, post-, or re-re-mid-post-negotiable. Sorry…)
- Open-door policies for every door that opens
- The most expensive free time in this, or any, sector
Plus, and/or also, too;
No scratches on an unused desk, are there? On top of that, without corporeal entities cluttering up the office space demanding creature comforts and whining about OT all day, we can afford to keep the lights on all the time. Computer screens and TV monitors, too. And our heating bill? That’d be a big, fat, yearly zero!
It’s almost 5pm somewhere, and we’ve already done less work in 9 hours than most teams haven’t done all week. That pause between the last mumbled “Good Morning” and the first Nestlé-sponsored coffee break after a hard-drinking 3-day weekend is our sweet spot.
Smell that leather? It’s Corinthian and it’s brand new. Nothing but the best for our ghost crew. Our disassociation is equally as organized as the disorganization of our association. Who better to needlessly divest ourselves of our financial windfalls than we are?
So much nothing in one place – isn’t that something!
You can find us everywhere!
Fake Association Organization
Come for nothing, stay forever
** This site is facetious. No offense, great or small, is in any way intended. **